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I saw the regular array of outdated Playboys and other magazines, of course, but found the holy grail at the bottom of the stash: The VHS tape. There was a single, solitary porno video and I couldn’t get it in the VCR quick enough.
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This was the jackpot! This was full porn! I was elated, excited, intrigued and filled with adrenaline because I could get caught at any time. I put the tape in and, to my dismay, it hadn’t been rewound. This posed a problem because I’d have to remember the spot it started so I didn’t get caught. How was a 16-year-old boy that was surely going to be cum drunk, after his first porno experience, going to remember such detail? I didn’t care I was going in. I got ready for this pivotal moment in a boy’s life.
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I was sitting in front of the TV with my pants all the way down, like an asshole. “Your porn sucks Dad” Via – I told you that story because my experience with VR porn was much the same.
Obviously, I wasn’t skimming through my dad’s smut box to find his Oculus Rift preloaded with “Cream Pie POV #5” but the whole situation was eerily similar as an adult.
My first experience with VR porn was during a podcast recording in NYC. A comedian friend had brought in the Oculus Rift when it was still a prototype and said we were going to watch VR porn. All of us were degenerate males that thought with our dicks most of the day, so this sounded like a fantastic night. On a side note, watching porn (VR or not) with dudes is never a “fantastic night” when you’re straight. You all sit around with confused erections. Anyway, we couldn’t wait to get into VR porn. All that excitement I had for my first porno rushed back. Do you know why? Because I’m a fucking idiot, that’s why. I have no idea what I expected, to be honest. What I do know is that I didn’t expect what I got. Usually, a headset with your smartphone or a built-in interface that you look into. The screen, so to speak, is where the magic happens. A VR video is usually shot on a 360-degree camera, giving you the feeling that you’re experiencing everything around you. That’s why they work so well with, let’s say, a rollercoaster or flying simulation. It makes you feel like you’re there by immersing you in it. And sometimes they add in a set of gloves that allow you to move your arms and hands within the video to trick you into feeling like you’re there and a part of the action.Īlso, VR headsets are large and cumbersome, so you become a porno bobblehead. And unless this particular porno is “Barf Skanks Vol. You can’t feel anything, either, because there is no Oculus Pussy. Wait…why isn’t there an Oculus Pussy? What the fuck, VR engineers? You’re losing so much money. You’ve got to be the stupidest smart people in the world. My point is unless you’re jerking off, your genitals remain completely untouched. Guthrie also wrote that he and Kipman have been talking about the team's path going forward over the past few months and that they had "mutually decided that this is the right time for him to leave the company to pursue other opportunities." Kipman will apparently help with the team transitions over the next two months before leaving Microsoft entirely.The point of VR is the sense of full immersion, and this fails on all aspects.
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Meanwhile, the software teams are joining the Experiences + Devices division under Jeff Teper.
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In an email that's also viewed by GeekWire, Guthrie said that the HoloLens hardware teams are joining the Windows + Devices group under Panos Panay. After Kipman told his team about his resignation, Microsoft cloud and AI VP Scott Guthrie announced a reorganization that would split the HoloLens group. He also reportedly fostered a culture that diminished women's contributions. His departure comes after the same publication reported allegations that he engaged in inappropriate touching and comments towards female employees. Alex Kipman, the lead developer of Microsoft HoloLens, is leaving the company, according to Insider.